Watching, reading and listening to the current debate on same sex marriage is starting to upset me. It is not so much the news on the topic, I think it’s great we have made so much movement in the right direction with the vast majority of Australians agreeing we need to allow those consenting adults the right to marry. What is upsetting me is the hateful words that a minority are using to express their opinions, simply stating that I am any less human then the next person is really hurtful and it surprisingly has made me think of my time at school as a comparison.
I went to school in Western Sydney, it was not a particularly conservative area, it is though a very ‘restricted’ place in terms of representing different parts of the community. I knew of not one single gay person in the area, I had no exposure to a same sex couple’s or any ‘out’ peers at school. My family was the furthest from religious and was always loving and open so it is not like I was ‘protected’ from it by any means. Being gay just wasn’t something that was talked about beyond my brothers and the guys and girls at school calling me a ‘Faggot’ and a ‘Poof’ in a derogatory way since I was about 10, there was no other influence or exposure to the gay community I received in 13 years of school.
Then came the story of the guy who was just a year or two older than me who had been assaulted and bullied at his school and was suing them for damages due to neglect in their duty of care in the late 90’s. I specifically remember this as it happened around the same time I entered high school. We heard he went on to go to a number of different schools in the area and left each one due to being physically assaulted and tormented for being gay. The other stand out fact was the reporting on this in the media at the time was clearly skewed and created a fear in my own thoughts at the sight of peers and parents saying things like ‘he should just keep quiet’.
While school is difficult for most kids, going through with thoughts that you’re different and not like anyone else created a lot of angst and anxiety that I still carry to this day. I remember being consistently bullied and tormented for no other reason than being less testosterone driven then my peers. Not a day would go past without being called names at school, being spat on, pushed or just ignored by my peers. Teachers would turn a blind eye to this happening unless of course something bad happens and then they would turn it on you to make it somehow your fault.
An example of this was having paper planes being thrown at me one day, the teacher just ignored what was happening until the inevitable occurred, and it hit me in the eye (yes it does happen, that is why you’re told not to do it). The teacher then instructed me to just wash out my eye and get back to my seat, clearly I was in pain but they insisted it was ‘fine’. Later that day when I got home my mum took me to get my eye looked at and it was confirmed I had a paper cut on my left eye, which is still visible in my vision to this day. My mum went up to the school and ‘blasted’ them for their incompetence and the teacher was reprimanded.
My entire school life consisted of similar acts which had I been alone, I fear what would have happened to my sanity. I was lucky enough to form a group of friends who even to this day keep in contact and regularly get together. The year after we graduated I meet my current partner and I was lucky enough that my family and friends embraced us, a few months later another of my school friends ‘came out’ and then another. It was as though we had somehow formed an unconscious support group to make it through school.
I am realistic, I do not think that same sex marriage is going to change the school yard, I also realize it isn’t going to change everyone’s opinion, and I realize that there will always be those who just don’t understand. They do not understand because they do not want to understand, that is fine and I am not discounting their right of a different view. However when you write, speak, act or even think derogatory comments based on someone’s sexuality, gender, race, etc. you are not just hurting that person directly, you are influencing those around you and to hear our politicians who are there to represent their constituents comparing the debate to same sex marriage to that of polygamy you have to wonder how it is effecting those who are already struggling.
I call on Julia Gillard and Tony Abbott to make a stand, this isn’t just about allowing two loving and consenting adults the right to marriage, this is about creating a change in the culture of Australia, this is about allowing the acceptance of everyone, this is about taking a stance and this is about Love which is something we all wish to give and receive. As the saying goes “If you don’t like Same Sex Marriage, then you don’t have to get one”.